Choosing Happiness: La Jolla

La Jolla

La Jolla has become my favorite place to visit since moving here. I love going to the beach, checking out the shops, and watching the sunsets.
With life being so hectic and only speeding up its hard for me to take time for myself. However, there have been moments that I have been able to go with the flow and do something spontaneous. I find myself doing this more because of how my schedule is set up. Its hard to plan something with anyone because of conflicting things. So there are times that I decide to drop my plans for a few hours and do something else (like spend time with friends).

Full Irish Breakfast

Last Saturday I signed up to clean the church building and a few of us girls decided to get brunch afterwards. We ended up eating at this small little Irish bakery called "Sugar and Scribe". The menu had a variety of things that you would get in Ireland. There were even gluten free options which I loved (they had gluten free bread, and cupcakes). We ended up sitting outside in the shade with occasional sunlight streaming down on us. The atmosphere was so quaint and relaxing. You can totally feel like a local eating outside watching the rest of the world play out as you enjoy your brunch with friends/family.
"Sligo Scramble" was an option on the menu, which I was super excited to see. We have a family friend who lives in Sligo, so I had to take a picture and show my parents. I decided to get the "Full Irish Breakfast", and ended up eating it all, even the bacon. If you know me well you know I don't like bacon, the smell alone makes me gag but I ate this bacon and kind of liked it so it's saying something.

La Jolla beach

Afterwards, us girls went back to one of the girls' apartment and walked down to the beach, which was three blocks away. I ended up going back to the same beach with a couple of friends to watch the sunset as surfers caught waves. This beach is probably my favorite place to watch sunsets because I ended up going there the next day with my roommate. We had enough time to explore the beach before going to choir practice. There were tons of rocks to climb on and sea life all around. We saw fish, lobster, sea urchins, and algae eaters (possibly baby sharks).

Mount Soledad
This past week things have been so crazy. I have felt like I am surrounded by people all the time, and doing one thing after the next. I honestly felt like I haven't had time to be by myself and catch my breath so I ended up taking a drive up to Mount Soledad to watch the sunset.

Veterans Memorial

Mount Soledad is located in La Jolla and at the top of the mountain is a veterans memorial. It is such a peaceful place to walk around and see all of San Diego. At the top you have a 360 degree view of La Jolla, San Diego, and the cities beyond. You can see Mission Bay, Coronado Island, Chula Vista, La Mesa, and more. From the north end you can even see the San Diego Temple.

Over looking La Jolla

The view all around was incredible and the sunset was something that could only be experienced. There were quite a few people up there walking around and chatting. Being by myself I felt like I could just sit and watch the world around me keep going as I caught my breath for the first time. There is something about watching the sunset that gives you strength and peace. I find it rather interesting that people travel to see the sunset, this phenomenon that happens every single day that is the same event, the setting sun. Yet, we find it so amazing to watch it, it is new and different every single time. It may be the same event but it is different every single time, no sunset it the same.

Choosing Happiness: Palomar Observatory

This past week I've been busy with work, school and homework. A typical day looks like:
Wake up get ready/study; leave for work; get done with work and head to class; find time to eat dinner in between work and class; come home and do homework; and finally go to bed; repeat the process over. When I am not working I am in class and when I am not working or in class I am usually doing homework. At times it is hard to find time to do things for myself, so when I learned I had Saturday off I planned a trip up to Palomar Observatory.

Palomar Observatory
It is located Northeast of Escondido sitting 5,500 ft (elevation) high within Palomar Mountain. The observatory is owned and operated by the California Institute of Technology. On the property there are "three active research telescopes: the 200-inch (5.1-meter) Hale Telescope, the 48-inch (1.2-meter) Samuel Oschin Telescope, and the 60-inch (1.5-meter) telescope." (About Palomar)

On Saturday and Sundays from April until the last weekend of October there are public tours available of the 200-inch Hale telescope. The tour cost $5 and last about an hour. The tour is well worth the $5 to see the telescope up close and personal. You are able to see the telescope without paying any money, but the tour shows you other parts of the observatory that you are not able to see otherwise.

Actual telescope; Mirror is located at center bottom of image

George E. Hales, the man behind the telescope, approached the Rockefeller foundation in 1928 seeking $6 million (a large sum of money back then) to build the 200-inch telescope. Hales obtained the funds necessary and went over budget by 10% of the original pricing. The observatory was dedicated in 1948, after the end World War II and ten years after the death of Hales. It held the title for the worlds largest telescope in the world until 1993.

The Telescope
The telescope is impressive in design. Before going on the tour I envisioned in my mind a telescope that you or I could buy online. To my surprise this telescope was huge, towering over me like a building. When they say 200-inch telescope they do not mean your average looking telescope. The 200-inch means that the diameter of the mirror, by itself, is 200-inches. The telescope does not have any lenses that most telescopes have, which for this particular telescope is pretty impressive and ahead of its time, especially back then.

Model of Telescope

The design to house this mirror is incredible, there are metal support beams and a huge device weighing in well over 20 tons. The support mechanism for the telescope is capable of moving and adjust in any direction possible. They have a small model to show just how the actual telescope moves at night, because it is still an active telescope which averages operating around 200 nights (depending on the weather) every year since it was dedicated in 1948.

Gathering Light
While on the tour one of the tour guides was talking about the purpose of the telescope and what they, as researchers, do there. He said, "all that we do is gather faint light." This gathering light stood out to me so profoundly that I had to write it down. This gathering light made me think of the gospel and how as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints what we do in our daily life, those small acts that we are taught every Sunday to do, is for us to gather light. For new converts we see them gathering light as they begin their study of the gospel and continue on through baptism. We tend not so much to think of reading, praying, going to church, having FHE, or attending the temple as gathering light. But every activity that we do in which we invite the Holy Ghost into our lives is a form of gathering light.

D&C 50:24 states: "That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continue in God, receiveth more light, and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day."

These researchers collect light so they can see more of the universe. But as I pondered this I wondered, "What are we doing as members of this gospel to gather light so that we can see more of God?" Since God is light and when we receive light we are receiving him, then it would be safe to say that the more we receive light (God) the more we are able to see of Him. After sacrament a sister came up to me and told me that she pondered these words. She shared with me that the more light we have the more capable we are to see forward. How true that is! Consider walking through a dark tunnel, the more light that is available to you the more easily you can see what lies ahead.

I challenge you to consider what ways you are gathering light and how can you gather more light.

To learn more about the Palomar Observatory click here.

Ponderize: 2 Corinthians 12:8

Life has been pretty busy and chaotic with work, school, and trying to balance everything else in between. However, I have been continuing my efforts to ponderize a scripture but somethings have taken less priorities than other things.

This scripture from 2 Corinthians has been the theme for my life these past couple of weeks and I have continued to think on these verses daily. It reads:

La Jolla Cove

"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

We have all had trials and tribulations. Many of us have things we have to deal with day in and day out. And most of the time we ask for these things to be taken from us. I have felt myself on my knees at the feet of my Savior pleading He would take the trial away or just the pain.

You may find yourself, or found yourself, in a similar situation as Paul, pleading endlessly with the Lord to take away these things but only to find them still with you. During these times we wonder why we are going through these things and the point of it all.

There is a powerful lesson that Paul teaches us in these verses through his own experience of petitioning the Lord to take his trials. That same lesson I have come to learn personally, which is everything we go through will make us better in the end. When we find ourselves in situations where the trial is too great and we have sent our petitions above, but no relief comes remember that your weakness will become a strength.

Catching the sunset

When we enter the arena of a trial we come out different then we were in the beginning and that is the whole point of it. The arena is our testing ground and building ground to become better through the battles we face. If we never entered the arena we would not become the end result but will remain the same. It is through difficulties and trials that we are changed. Growth and understanding is yielded through such things. If we stayed inside we would never know the beauty that lies beyond the walls that we are confined.

My trials have made me better. They have not been easy, there have been many trials where I have asked "why me?" and even wished to not have some trials but I would not change them for the world. They have taught me so much and have produced so much more of who I am today. Our trials make us stronger. My crazy life right now is helping me to become better, my depression helps me to see the good in the world even when its too hard to do, and my anxiety induced grad class is helping me to become better even though it is hard. All that I have gone through, am going through, and will go through will be difficult but I will come out better in the end because of them all. We should not shrink away from such infirmities but press forward having a hope that things will get better, because they will. The storm only last for so long and then the day will come when will witness that sun that has always been there behind the storm, still shining down on us.

Choosing Happiness: My Personal Struggle

This week I decided to deviate from the typical posts I've been doing. The past few weeks I've been posting about choosing happiness and talking about our choice to be happy. I feel like just maybe some who read these posts may say, "Well that's good that you can be so happy and choose happiness when you live where you do or have what you have, or do what you do, but for me it's not that simple."

In the beginning of the year I felt this need to open up. So I wanted to take this moment to talk about some of the personal struggles that I've faced since I was a teenager. There are many things that we just don't see when we look from the outside in. We don't see the daily struggles or battles that people face.

Depression & Suicide
For me I have struggled with depression ever since my early teens. I still recall the moment when I felt so alone and worthless. I didn't feel good enough and I no longer wanted to live. Since that moment I've struggled so much with this inner battle that no one sees. Many people don't understand what it's like to struggle with depression and overcome suicidal thoughts. Its no easy battle and just trying to overcome them is difficult. To try to just choose happiness isn't as easy as some may believe but I know we can choose to be happy. It takes a lot of effort, pain, sacrifice, frustration, diligence, and consistency.

There are moments where I don't get to choose whether I am depressed or not, these episodes just come. Some may want to think that's not true but for many this is our reality. While there may be some circumstances that influence an episode there are numerous times that we are depressed and we don't know why. There are times when I am depressed which may lead to thoughts of suicide. It is a darkness that encircles me and lies that enter my mind that feel so true and accurate. They come and at times it's hard to get out of the darkness that captures me.

Anxiety
Since moving to San Diego I have developed such an intense feeling of anxiety that I have never felt before. I recall being in college and feeling anxiety so strongly but it only lasted for a moment. This anxiety that I now experience has lasted days on end. For the past three weeks I have felt anxiety for at least two straight days every week.

This is new for me to have anxiety and I don't know how to handle it or cope with such feelings. Since I've struggled for so long with depression I know how to handle those moments but when it comes to anxiety it is an unknown area. And to add another complex layer to it, this anxiety induces depression in me. Its a fine line to walk and difficult battle. How do you prevent anxiety from occurring? Or at least what I have been asking myself is what can I do to help lower my anxiety when it does come?

Choose Happiness
For me to be happy when I am depressed or anxious is extremely hard to do. It takes more strength and energy to overcome these feelings but I am trying and striving for happiness. In the end I know I will be blessed with strength. Some days I fail, but that's okay. It's no easy task but strength and power does come as I strive to do these things.

The percentage for those that suffer from depression has increased. It's easy to get so discouraged and want to give up. It is easy to be negative in a world that is getting worse every minute. But we can choose to be happy. And for those that struggle with depression, discouragement, hopelessness, suicide, and anxiety you are not alone. You are fighting the fight and strength will come to you. "Don't give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead" (Elder Holland, "An High Priest of Good Things to Come").

Resources
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints recently launched a new website for those who are affected by a mental illness in some way. Below are articles and links to resources for depression and mental illnesses.
Mental Health (new LDS website for mental illnesses)
Choosing to Live: Overcoming Suicidal Thoughts
Dealing with Depression
15 Powerful LDS Resources for Battling Depression
SaveSave

Choosing Happiness: Newport & Laguna

Last week I started planning a trip to Newport beach and Laguna. It worked out well because I found out that the San Diego temple would be closed for three weeks. My trip included a session at the Newport Beach Temple, so I was grateful that I had the thought to start planning this trip.

Newport 

Newport Beach Temple

The plan was to drive up to the Newport Temple, head over to one of the beaches, then head down to Laguna for a late lunch/early dinner, check out one or two of the beaches and then head back to San Diego.

I made it to the Temple for the 12pm session. The Temple was amazing and so beautiful inside and out. I was amazed at the woodwork inside and was able to peak my head into one of the sealing rooms. It has been a little mission (goal) I've set to find the sealing room that has the extra door within, and it turned out that the one I peaked into had an extra door. (You can read about where I set this goal from here.)

Since, I was in a skirt I decided that it would be best to change before going to the beach. Somehow I managed to rip my yoga pants. Luckily, I packed three different bottoms for this trip. I planned to go boogie boarding in Laguna so I brought a swimsuit and shorts. Since I tend to get cold after boogie boarding I packed sweats. I was well prepared, just not prepared for ripped yoga pants because I had to use a bobby pin to hold the hole together. It managed long enough for me to get to the beach and change.

Corona Del Mar

After the temple I headed over to one of the beaches. I was hoping to go to Newport beach but that was out of the way for me so I decided against it. I ended up at Corona Del Mar which is south of Newport. Here I decided I would change into my swimsuit and shorts. I didn't want to pay for parking so I parked on the hill and made the walk down.

You were able to see the marina and the port. It was amazing to see all the boats coming in and out of the harbor.

I was able to find a bathroom and change. Unfortunately, the day wasn't going my way. I managed to rip my swimsuit while trying to put it on. I must add that these rips were already apparent. The hole in my pants I created that day was just made bigger because there were already a few smaller holes, but a few threads were keeping them together. My swimsuit was already ripped but wasn't completely ripped until this moment at the beach. I just managed to put bigger holes into my clothing. Since, I already had my swimsuit on I decided to keep it on. I was planning on wearing a shirt anyways so no one would know that it was ripped, and it was the back strap that completely ripped apart, so it was still wearable.

Laguna 

The Stand Natural Foods

Once I walked around the beach, climbed a few rocks, and took a few photos I hopped back into the car and drove down to Laguna Beach.

There are not many places I can go out to eat but I was able to find a place in Laguna that had gluten free options. I researched it ahead of time. It was called, "The Stand Natural Foods" which was a small stand attached to a bike shop. You ordered from a window and they had seating outside so you could eat in the nice Southern California weather. I got the Rice and Beans Tostada. It was packed with alfalfa sprouts, I love sprouts (sunflower sprouts specifically), but I was in heaven and loved it. The place is more vegan friendly, which makes it better for me since they don't have a lot of gluten in their facility.

After I was finished eating I headed down to one of the beaches I really wanted to go to before moving out to San Diego.

The beach was packed with people. At one time not many people knew about this beach but since the internet it has been getting more well known with tourists. It's called "1000 Step Beach" not because of all the steps that take to get to the beach but because of all the houses that have stairs that lead down to the beach. I didn't get a picture of all the houses and stairs but there were a LOT of houses and stairs leading to this beach, well over a thousand steps.

Where I dropped my phone

Once I was down on the beach I headed south towards 3 Arch Bay where the tide pools were located. I found a really cool area with rocks and mussels on them so I stopped to take pictures. As I was taking pictures I somehow dropped my phone. It fell into this small hole of water and sunk to the bottom. I quickly stepped into the hole and grabbed my phone out. This area was close to where the water was coming up on shore so I almost lost my sandals in the process of getting my phone.

1000 Step Beach

Luckily, my phone was still functional. It was still on and able to work. A notification kept popping up after that about "accessory unavailable". I'm not sure what this was about but it eventually went away. I am grateful my phone still worked and I was able to use my GPS to get me back to San Diego. The camera still worked too, so I took a few more pictures before leaving.

I ended up not going boogie boarding in Laguna. But considered going down to La Jolla to boogie board or at least catch the sunset. After ripping my pants and swimsuit and dropping my phone into the ocean water I decided to call it a day and head home. I was planning on getting home after dark but when I made it back the sun was just setting so I was able to watch the sunset from my room. I am grateful for an amazing view!

The view from my room

Choosing Happiness
Sometimes life doesn't go the way we planned it would. My Saturday went well but I did not plan on ripping my pants and swimsuit nor did I plan on dropping my phone in the water and struggle to charge it so I could make it back home. It felt like an overcast kind of day. But I choose to hold on to those moments of being in the temple and seeing the beaches.

Sunset on the boat

God gives us amazing things in life and along the way we have little hiccups or road bumps. They all come with life, but we choose how it affects us. Even though we may have had a bad week or a bad day we can choose to be happy in spite of them.

My Sunday started out rough but God gave me moments to choose to hold on to and be happy. I was blessed to get a calling at church, get an interview with a company, and have an amazing view of the sunset.

God does bless us with so many things to be happy and grateful about. But He will never take away our agency to choose (to make choices). We get to choose to be happy and how we react to things not going well during our day. We may have those days where we just don't feel happy and that's okay. Not everyday in our life will be happy, its okay to have those bad days. I definitely had those days this week where I was just sad. That is okay to do! Life is meant to be happy though, so choose to be grateful, choose to smile and laugh, choose happiness!

Ponderize: Matt 7:7

This week I chose to ponder Matthew 7:7 which reads, "Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it will be opened unto you:"

I'm not sure how well I pondered this scripture but I definitely studied it everyday. Now, I need to confess that this is one of the principles I struggle with. It has been a source of struggle because it deals with Heavenly Father's will and there is just something that I am not quite sure what it is but I have some frustration with. I believe that it is probably this scripture that is the source of frustration.

I know that if I ask Heavenly Father for something and it is according to His will I will receive it. I understand that. Even though Heavenly Father's will is going to come to pass doesn't mean we shouldn't ask for things. I understand that I should ask for things and He wants me to ask for things. But I don't understand how people can ask for something and they receive it so quickly. For me I feel like when I ask for something it takes a while. Maybe God is trying to teach me patience and that is the reason why this whole principle frustrates me.

If there is one thing I don't know it is this: I don't know Gods timing or why He doesn't answer some of our prayers in the time and manner we want. But what I do know is that He does answer us, God is a God who knows how to give good gifts because He is perfect and knows what is best for all His children.

Ask, Seek, Knock
Ask-means to pray to Heavenly Father and ask for blessings, talk to him and develop that relationship that is available to you. He is the most perfect being and he sees all things. How incredible it is to talk to a perfect being who knows all things and sees all things, what an advantage we have when we go to Him.

Seek-study it out, search for it, seek after it. Seeking is an action word and there is an effort on our part. What do you seek for? What are you seeking after?

Knock-In my mind I found knocking a combination of asking and seeking. I was reminded of how on a mission missionaries would knock on doors seeking to find individuals ready and seeking to hear the gospel. For missionaries they pray to Heavenly Father in the morning asking to find those who are prepared then they go out seeking for them by knocking doors.

One of the greatest lessons I learned on my mission was that when I was actively seeking and doing all that I could, working, God would bless us to find individuals. Most of the time we didn't find people by knocking doors but it showed to Heavenly Father that we were willing to do our part and He would bless us for that.

D&C 9:8
"You must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right."

Asking+Seeking=Knocking

Knocking requires us to ask in prayer and seek by studying and working it out in our minds. It is a process in which we come to Heavenly Father. I believe God wants us to depend on him but not become so dependent on him that we can't make our own decisions.

Even though I get frustrated with this principle at times I know God answers my prayers. There are times He answers quickly and sometimes those things I ask for are not answered until later on in life but He does answer. I know in the moments that God does not answer me right away is because He is trying to teach me something greater. Maybe there is something more for us to learn in those moments God does not answer our prayer?

Choosing Happiness: La Jolla

I must admit that this blog post and the others that follow after its manner are more for me to document my life and time here in San Diego. Later down the road it will provide me with an overall view of how I am choosing happiness now by being actively engaged in living life. For all who may read these posts about my choosing happiness I hope you may find the simple enjoyment as I do in living after the manner of happiness (see 2 Nephi 2:27),

La Jolla
Friday, after my interview, I headed up to La Jolla to attend a session in the San Diego temple. I've loved this temple since I saw it for the first time as a little girl. It seems like a dream to say this is the temple I attend. It's beauty is breath taking and I am in awe every time my eyes gaze upon it. I sat in the celestial room for some time, embracing the peace and quietness that presides within those sacred walls. I truly needed that moment there in the celestial room. San Diego is a big city and it's never ending hustle is exhausting. It was calming to get away from the noise and hustle of the city. 

Sunset at La Jolla Shores

Afterwards, I went shopping and then ended up at La Jolla shores to watch the sunset. As I watched the sunset I had the thought that I don't get these experiences in Madison. How grateful I am to be here and partake in the beauty that surrounds me. Sitting on the beach my mind and body came in tuned with the surroundings. The sound of the crashing of waves with the rolling water to the shore mixed with the sent of salt water in the air was so relaxing and tranquil. 

Black Beach
Saturday I decided I wanted to go boogie boarding. I planned to go to Mission Beach but remembered there was a trail in La Jolla I wanted to hike which ended at the coast. The trail was carved out by surfer's years ago, who attended the university in La Jolla.

So the plan was to get up in the morning and hike the trail to the beach and boogie board. The hike has amazing views of the ocean, but was pretty intense. On the way down wasn't bad but on the way back up was a challenge, it didn't help that I was tired from boogie boarding. But I made back in one piece with minor cuts and bruises and a hurt ego from slipping off a rock, luckily no broken bones and no one witnesses.

View from the trail looking to Black Beach

It is a secluded beach where local surfers go, but to my astonishment where people went to bear all. Just north of where the trail ended was a nude beach, hence the secluded part. I made sure to stay a fair distance away from that area. But I had so much fun boogie boarding and doing what I love the most when I go to the beach. I am so grateful to be blessed with these moments to explore San Diego and do things that make me happy.
             Happiness is a choice.

Ponderize 2 Nephi 5:27

Coming to San Diego wasn't necessarily my choice, my heart was set on Utah but I learned that Utah wasn't the Lords will for me. Acting on faith and trust in Christ I came to San Diego, but I wasn't happy and this past week was still difficult. I felt an intense feeling of homesickness and an overwhelming feeling of anxiety, I wasn't happy.

Being aware of my unhappiness I chose this scripture from 2 Nephi 5:27 which states, "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness." 

On my mission, one of my companions shared with me the pattern of happiness Nephi speaks of in 2 Nephi chapter 5. In being aware of my unhappiness and homesickness I thought it would be valuable to study this chapter to better understand this verse and know what I can do to live after the manner of happiness. 

There are at least 10 things Nephi states within the chapter that influences their manner of happiness. My challenge to all who read this is to do your own study of this chapter and find those 10 things Nephi talks about. 

San Diego Temple

I decided to write Nephi's 10 things down on a piece of paper and then come up with my own 10 things. Some are similar to what Nephi talks about but there are a few that differ. 

My Manner of Happiness (10 Things)

1. Study/read scriptures

2. Keep journal/gratitude

3. Pray every morning and night

4. Attend Church

5. Attend Institute every week

6. Attend Temple once a week

7. Exercise/run

8. Serve someone

9. Honor my covenants

10. Explore/discover one new thing about the area

There were a couple of things that I knew would help me feel happiness here in San Diego. Those were: attend institute, attend the temple, serve someone, go to church, and find one new thing I didn't know before about area I live in.

Choosing to be Happy

Many of us believe that we can't be happy or think that we will be happy once something happens or stops happening. "When I get a job I will be happy." "When I get married I will be happy." "I will be happy when....." The list goes on but the truth of the matter is that we can chose to be happy now, no matter what happens. It is our choice to be happy and we can do things that will create happiness within us. 

Coronado Island overlooking Downtown San Diego

I really focused on exploring more of San Diego. After class on Thursday I drove to Coronado Island to sit on the beach. Coronado is the one place that holds memories for me with family. I ended up on the east side of the island looking out to downtown San Diego. Memories came back to me and as I sat there on the beach I was reminded of Madison for the first time since leaving. An overwhelming emotional peace came over me and I felt so much love from my Father in Heaven. 

Moments can provide us with happiness but we also need to be active in achieving happiness. I wasn't going to be happy sitting in my room the entire weekend wishing I was back home in the comfortability of Wisconsin. There were things I could to do be happy. And there are things you can do to feel happiness.

"Happiness is a condition of the soul. This joyous state comes as a result of righteous living." Benjamin De Hoyos "True Happiness: A Conscious Decision"

"So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment....We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we choose a positive attitude." President Thomas S. Monson "Living the Abundant Life" 

Ponderize: Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord
Two weeks ago as I studied about hope this scripture from Proverbs 3:5-6 kept coming up. Due to its reoccurrence in my study I decided to make it the point of my pondering this week.

Proverbs 3:5-6 reads:
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

I did not know then what this past week would hold for me, but I soon found out.

Grad School
In January I applied to a grad program at BYU, and in March I found out that I did not get in, even though I had a 64% chance of acceptance. I thought I was suppose to be in Utah and I really wanted to be in Utah, so I was left baffled and dumbfounded.

The view from campus, looking out to Mission Bay

The day I found out that I didn't get into BYU I looked into the University of San Diego to find out when their deadlines were. I applied and eventually found out that I got accepted. People told me how lucky I am to be able to live in paradise but the reality of it was anything but paradise.

Behind it all I had no desire to move to San Diego, or even live in California. California is expensive and I didn't know anyone in San Diego.

Before leaving for Wisconsin I had enough money to make it to my families place in the San Joaquin valley and then to San Diego. I didn't have money for food, housing, or transportation, and I still didn't have housing in San Diego. In my mind I came up with the worst case scenario which was I would be homeless sleeping in my car until someone felt pity for me.

A week before I was suppose to go down to San Diego I still didn't have housing set up and no money to pay for anything. I was still looking for a job but had a possible position lined up. The Friday I was leaving I booked a hotel room for three nights. I had gotten into contact with a girl about possibly getting a place but things were not set in stone.

I remember thinking how stupid I was to do something like this because it seemed foolish. Who in their right mind would pack up and move to a city they didn't know anyone, have a place to live, or even have a job lined up. The only thing going for me was I was going to grad school.

Why would I do such a thing?
I had a trust in the Lord. I felt and knew that if this was where I needed to be then I needed to be there. And if that is true then God would provide a way.

This past week this scripture to trust in the Lord was more of an applicational pondering than a meditative pondering. I had to show forth my trust in ways that were difficult and uncomfortable. I felt scared, nervous, and afraid. But it was that faith and knowledge that I had in the Lord that allowed me to take that leap of faith, to trust Him and go to San Diego.

Nephi obtaining the plates of brass.

Things did work out. I know God is a fourth watch God and when everything seems hopelessly impossible it is in that moment that He provides a way. I was able to get housing and readjust my schedule so I could pay for housing. Things did not workout how I hoped they would but the Lord provided the perfect way for everything to work out. He further allowed me to strengthen my faith and trust in Him, which has strengthened may relationship with Him knowing that He is my Eternal Father in Heaven who always provides for me.

While going through the trial I was blessed with moments reminding me of individuals in the scripture who exemplified trust in the Lord.

Those who showed trust in the Lord:

• Nephi in obtaining the plates-1 Nephi 3-4
• Peter as he got out of the boat and started to walk on water-Matthew 14:28-29
• Moses leading the children of Israel-Exodus 14

"To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Prov. 3:5-7). To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience." -Elder Richard G. Scott "Trust in Lord" GC Oct. 1995

We find countless examples in the scriptures of individuals trusting God. God does provides a way, even when it seems impossible and hopeless. There is always a way with the Lord. 

Ponderize Alma 34:41

The past week I pondered the state of hopelessness and wondered what do I do when I feel hopeless. This lead me to look up the word 'hope' on LDS.org. I read through "The Principle and Context of Hope in the Gospel" and came upon this paragraph:

"In the language of the gospel, however, the word hope is sure, unwavering, and active. Prophets speak of having a 'firm hope' (Alma 34:41) and a 'lively hope' (1 Peter 1:3)."

The phrase "firm hope" stood out to me so I looked up Alma 34:41 and this is what I found.

"But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." Alma 34:41

I thought to myself, "What does 'firm hope' mean? What does hope even mean?"
I continued reading and read this:
"When we have hope, we trust God's promises. We have a quiet assurance that if we do 'the works of righteousness,' we 'shall receive [our] reward, even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come' (D&C 59:23)."

Prophetic Teachings
I continued my search for hope by reading a couple of talks found at the end of the "The Principle and Context of Hope in the Gospel" article under Prophetic Teachings. A few of the quotes that stood out to me are as follows:

• "Hope emanates from the Lord, and it transcends the bounds of this mortal sphere."
• "Hope is essential to faith; faith is essential to hope; faith and hope are essential to charity."
• "Faith is rooted in Jesus Christ. Hope centers in his atonement. Charity is manifest in the 'pure love of Christ.'"
• "Hope is realistic anticipation which takes the form of a determination - not only to survive adversity but, more over, to 'endure.....well' to the end (D&C 121:8)."

Afterwards I decided to look up the 1828 definition of hope.

1828 Dictionary 
Hope - "A desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable, hope differs from wish and desire in this, that it implies some expectation of obtaining the good desired, or the possibility of possessing it. Hope therefore always gives pleasure or joy; whereas wish and desire may produce or be accompanied with pain and anxiety."

Hope is something more than I have considered before. In my mind I think of hope as wishing for something but that is not hope. Hope is more like faith which means we have a trust in God and his promises. My understanding of hope needs to be redefined, but I know as I continue to study I will come to learn and understand better of what hope really means.

Other Talks on Hope:
Hope, an Anchor of the Soul - President James E. Faust
Hope Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ - Neal A. Maxwell
Brightness of Hope - Neal A. Maxwell
The Joy of Hope Fulfilled - Elder M. Russell Ballard

Ponderize Alma 36:3

"And now, O my son Hellman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day." Alma 36:3

My focus this past week was on the last half of this verse starting with "shall put their trust in God...."

In pondering this verse trust and support stood out to me, so I asked two questions:
1) What does it mean to Trust in the Lord?
2) What does it mean to be supported in our trials?

As I thought about these questions I was inspired with two thoughts, 1) read Elder Scotts conference address from October 1995 (I've read this talk before so I knew it) and 2) find the chapter about Alma and his people being strengthened during their trial.

Trust
While reading Elder Scotts talk I came upon this quote:

"To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Prov. 3:5-7). To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience." -Elder Richard G. Scott "Trust in Lord" GC Oct. 1995

For me I felt like this answered the question I had in trusting in the Lord or at least reminded me of what I already knew once before.

Support
There is a story in the Book of Mormon that I love for the principle it teaches about God not taking away our trials but strengthening us so we can overcome them. I wanted to find it and study it in the aspect of God supporting us. It's found in Mosiah 24:13-15

The things that stood out to me as I read were:
a) the voice of the Lord came upon them in their afflictions
b) lift up your heads and be comforted
c) Lord will deliver them
d) ease their burdens, so not to feel them
e) Lord did strengthen them to bear up their burdens with ease

The trust these people administered was lifting up their heads and being comforted. The support came from Heavenly Father in the form of a voice promising them deliverance but also strengthening them so that they could bear their burdens with ease.

Support and blessings that come from the Lord vary in many ways but He does promise us comfort and deliverance from our trials. Although that deliverance does not mean taking our burdens away, rather it means strengthening us to bear those burdens. God will and does support us. I encourage you to look a little more at your daily life and ask, "How does the Lord support me?"

Headlights, Bitterness, & Gratitude

No Headlights

On my trip out to California I noticed that my car was giving off a distinct smell as I came into Vegas. In my mind I envisioned burning wires, but I would soon found out that it was burning plastic. My first thought was the A/C unit since the fan motor would occasionally make a funny sound. Turning it off and rolling the windows down did nothing to help the smell.

Continuing down the road I noticed that the high beam light was on within my dashboard. Finding it weird I tried to turn the light for my high beams off but nothing worked. Within a couple of minutes I no longer had headlights traveling down I-15 at 9pm.

Finding a road I recognized I turned off and pulled into the McDonald’s parking lot. I tried to turn off and on my lights but had no luck in getting my headlights to turn on. I ended up calling my dad. While talking through the situation, I discovered that the connector to the steering wheel was burnt. The cause was the fog lights being on, I never used before until this trip. (So moral of my story don't use fog lights.)

With the help of my dad, I was able to rig a connection between the live wire and the headlights.  The headlights came on and I was set to make the final five hours to my destination. But the headlights only lasted 5 minutes before the connection no longer worked due to the continued malfunction of the fog lights.

Stuck in Vegas with no working headlights to make the final five hours I found myself nervous and vulnerable. When I first pulled into the parking lot a guy kept coming up to me and trying to talk, then another guy. As I was traveling I was carrying cash so I felt more vulnerable and a target. On top of everything I was feeling I knew I wasn’t in the best part of town. I was only a few blocks from one of the worst parts of Vegas and I knew I couldn’t stay in that area for too long.

Bitterness

Frustrated and extremely tired, from getting three hours of sleep in my car the night before, I was losing my patience quick. I wanted to figure out what was wrong with the car and fix it, but these two guys kept interrupting me. I kept telling them I was fine and I could handle it because honestly I could handle it. When it comes to cars I’m pretty resourceful and can fix just about anything, since I grew up helping my dad fix cars. So I didn’t need help, I needed space and quietness to work.

Eventually, I found a hotel close by to stay the night. But even before getting my room I had problems finding the hotel registration desk. I asked a security guard but got confused once I started heading in the direction he told me. Asking for help a second time, I made an attempt to venture in the way I was told. Even then I ended up confused by the directions I was given and overwhelmed with everything. Things did work out and I was able to find the desk and get a room. 

Throughout this whole ordeal I was reminded of a scripture talking about how God will consecrate our afflictions for our gain. I found myself feeling a little bitter about the entire situation though. I wondered, “How in the world is He going to make this affliction for my gain? What good is going to come of this?“ I was tired, exhausted, I had a massive headache since earlier that afternoon, I didn’t smell good, and I was sick of the car. I just wanted to be at my destination already. I was over it, and wanted the day to end.

Gratitude

Even though I was getting bitter there were small moments of gratitude that I was blessed to recognize.

• As my headlights quit working I thought, “Well if this is the worst that will happen with my car then I am grateful for it because it could be a lot worse than what it is.”
• A text from a friend came an hour or two before helping me to remember to laugh, make light of your day and enjoy the journey.
• I was grateful to have been in Vegas with car problems instead of another city. I lived in Vegas a few years ago so I knew the area well enough (the not so good areas, where certain things were, etc).  If I was in any other city I would have felt more uncomfortable and not as confident in what to do or where to go.
• I was able to get a cheap hotel room that had enough room to store my bike for the night.
• My car was still drivable during the day, just not at night.
• The guys that kept coming up to me had good intentions and asked if I needed help. At least they were willing to ask to see if I needed help and if I was okay.
•  Making it to the hotel without any more problems (using my high beams as headlights and taking two main roads to get to the hotel quickly).
• Saying a prayer with my parents over the phone to help calm my nerves.

The Lesson

That night I knelt down beside my hotel bed and talked to Heavenly Father. I told Him my thoughts and feelings, telling Him I don’t understand why this was happening and what good was suppose to come of it but I knew He had a plan and I trusted Him and accepted His will. Also, I made sure to share all those things that I was grateful for because I know that hope lies within the little moments of light, they help us press forward when we feel like we cannot.

In the morning I woke and read a talk given by President Lee from the October 1972 General Conference session. Within the talk I read these words:

“That when an individual is ordained and appointed to lead the people, he has passed through tribulations and trials, and has proven himself before God, and before His people, that he is worthy of the situation which he holds.”

The phrase lead people and being a leader kept coming to my mind as I laid in bed the night before. This quote impressed upon my mind and heart that what I was going through was to help me. I was to prove myself before God through these tests and trials so that I may stand worthy for the appointments and callings that will one day come.

At times I feel like I am given more tests and trials than the average person, in those moments I have a tendency to ask why and get frustrated. But it is essential for us to remember, as I was reminded that morning, that we are given tests to prove our worthiness to lead others and help build the kingdom of God. 

God knows what He wants us to be. To get us from where we are to where He needs us to be takes a lot of stretching and pulling, which entails discomfort and pain. There is great truth and comfort in remembering that with every great trial comes great blessings. Blessings can be found all around us, we can be grateful even when things aren't going the way we hoped they would. Will we strive to try a little more to be a little better at looking for the good and being grateful for those small things in our life? We will be blessed so much more in our efforts to be grateful.