The past couple of months I found myself struggling with the circumstances of life. I distinctly remember three events where I knelt down to talk to Heavenly Father. In those moments I told Him that I could no longer go on, I was tired and done, and completely over the present situation. Every moment after those prayers I would find myself facing a newer harder trial. I prayed for relief but got more burdens. I wanted my current load to be lifted but he added to my load.
Trials
Just a couple of days after Thanksgiving, on the every first day of starting my new position, I got into a car accident. I was coming home from FHE and hit a slick spot in the road. My car spun around and I hit the concrete barrier three different times. The last time was head on into the barrier. My car was totaled but I walked away with a single bruise. Shaken up a little but I was very optimistic about the situation and saw it as a blessing and learning experience. My insurance only paid for the towing, but the past year I have been looking for a new car so I viewed it as the perfect opportunity to get a new car.
I expected to get a new car in January but as I constantly looked I couldn't find anything. Even when I found a car it wouldn't work out. I was looking in multiple states and multiple people looking for me, yet nothing was coming about. In the beginning of February I landed on my foot wrong and broke my fifth metatarsal. Still with no car, going from work to school the burden of not having a car was much worse and almost unbearable. I was on crutches for a week so I could not walk very far, on top of that I was out of work because having crutches on the sales floor was a safety hazard.
Being a graduate student living in San Diego, my job is essential so I can provide for myself. I couldn't be out of work, and I wanted so badly to go back to work. It was a rough road but after pressing forward I was blessed to get back to work. My life consisted of walking to the bus station in a boot and at times walking far enough to campus to flag the tram down to get to class. These days were difficult to say the least, but it has helped me see that I am strong enough to bear the burden God has given me.
It wasn't until I talked to a friend about things that were going on in my life that she said maybe God is showing you the strength you actually do have. Every moment before I was thinking of how much strength I don't have. It was when I found myself with no strength to continue forward that I would kneel in prayer to talk to Heavenly Father. Every day after I faced a new burden that was added to my load. It never occurred to me that He was trying to show me my strength. I had more strength than I initially thought, and He was showing me just how much I really had.
"Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness."
Elder Bednar
Blessings
My experiences were painful. The road that I was walking was hard and very dark but even during the darkness there was still light to behold.
Tender Mercies-Light in the Darkness:
- Co-workers/manager/friends provided me with rides
- Being told my injury would not affect my work
- Being blessed that I would heal as quickly as I had faith
- This trial (broken foot) would be a blessing
- Being released from crutches and to return to work a week after my injury
- Strength to continue with every day life
My goal was to be out of the boot in four weeks and to participate in the 5k I signed up for just days before braking my foot. Not too many people believed it was possible but four weeks later I was out of the boot. The doctor said the bone is still healing but I should be good to complete the 5k.
Prayers Unanswered
While I was in the boot I prayed almost every single day that I would find a car. I had multiple appointments lined up to look at a car but for one reason or another none of them worked out. I deeply and truly believed that if I had a car things would be easier. Of course, having my own car would of helped so much it wasn't God's will. I didn't believe I could bear these burdens, but God does bless us with strength beyond our own.
Things didn't get better all at once. It felt like every single thing in my life was falling apart, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. But it is in these moments that God shows forth His power, in the midst of the darkest moments. He is a
fourth watch God.
There were a lot of questions I was asking, but not getting a response. But little by little things started to come.
Elder Scott said, "Seldom will you receive a complete response all at once. It will come a piece at a time, in packets, so that you will grow in capacity. As each piece is followed in faith, you will be led to other portions until you have the whole answer. That pattern requires you to exercise faith in our Father's capacity to respond."
I was blessed to find a job opportunity in Sweden to help write a thesis which would help me with my masters degree. Even now I still have managers coming up to me offering me a position in their department. It takes time to see Gods hand and to understand why we are given certain trials. I have come to terms with not having a car and considering the possibility that maybe I will be going to Sweden soon is the reason why I haven't found a car.
Not everything makes sense when we are going through our trials but there is light to be found in the painful experiences. I was blessed to feel greater joy than I have ever felt before, that was due to feeling great sorrow and pain. In order for us to comprehend greater light we must first experience great darkness. If you are struggling and experiencing darkness remember God knows you and loves you, there is light and happiness in the end. You will be better and stronger, and more able to help those around you through your own personal trials.
Have Joy
